i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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