you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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