her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
