So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh god it's open bar.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
