so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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