You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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