I wish I could teleport
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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