we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
