I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
