I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Someone came in the potted fern
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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