I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
