so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
