I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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Just pee around me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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