Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
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