I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
