Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
