You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
