Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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