Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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