I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
