rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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