Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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