"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
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Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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