FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
