Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
