last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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