if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
