worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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