Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
