And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
