Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
