Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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