I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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