Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

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(202): He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia http://tfl.nu/7fa5

Replies (17) Good night (2234) Bad night (793)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?

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(614): Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something? http://tfl.nu/rkwq

Replies (29) Good night (779) Bad night (3589)
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(541): View more from Oregon

She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.

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(541): She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it. http://tfl.nu/jrtc

Replies (12) Good night (573) Bad night (2816)
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(517): View more from Michigan

sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.

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(517): sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him. http://tfl.nu/vixo

Replies (13) Good night (3636) Bad night (717)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

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(502): I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off. http://tfl.nu/n96o

Replies (30) Good night (5146) Bad night (1481)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.

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(724): soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices. http://tfl.nu/oyfa

Replies (10) Good night (866) Bad night (5687)
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(970): View more from Colorado

She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??

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(970): She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care?? http://tfl.nu/ucqp

Replies (47) Good night (2142) Bad night (3468)
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(720): View more from Colorado

He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."

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(720): He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples." http://tfl.nu/rub1

Replies (8) Good night (4642) Bad night (990)
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(636): View more from Missouri

Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night

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(636): Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night http://tfl.nu/yir7

Replies (23) Good night (3337) Bad night (1626)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.

(732): View more from New Jersey

Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.

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(908): You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night. (732): Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/bgum

Replies (6) Good night (2149) Bad night (627)
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl

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(407): I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl http://tfl.nu/1s7i

Replies (11) Good night (1846) Bad night (623)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.

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(843): I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture. http://tfl.nu/qb04

Replies (3) Good night (945) Bad night (398)
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(517): View more from Michigan

passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.

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(517): passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/smsc

Replies (5) Good night (406) Bad night (723)
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(269): View more from Michigan

1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.

(269): View more from Michigan

7) Noodle arms: engage

(269): View more from Michigan

The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.

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(269): 1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all. (269): 7) Noodle arms: engage (269): The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right. http://tfl.nu/5w2m

Replies (8) Good night (1490) Bad night (425)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?

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(770): Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right? http://tfl.nu/rafd

Replies (3) Good night (622) Bad night (335)

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