I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
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I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on