Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..

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  (440): you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents.. http://tfl.nu/shss
  Replies (17) Good night (597) Bad night (3891)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???

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  (970): Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas??? http://tfl.nu/mb80
  Replies (32) Good night (5153) Bad night (747)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  succeeding

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  (781): we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives? (910): succeeding http://tfl.nu/avwv
  Replies (10) Good night (5230) Bad night (1024)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets

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  (501): now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets http://tfl.nu/czok
  Replies (9) Good night (3004) Bad night (851)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.

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  (425): Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years. http://tfl.nu/f3i9
  Replies (8) Good night (700) Bad night (3532)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.

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  (904): pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking. http://tfl.nu/eg7z
  Replies (3) Good night (2181) Bad night (659)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?

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  (315): Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room? http://tfl.nu/jfto
  Replies (10) Good night (1671) Bad night (532)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.

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  (506): Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second. http://tfl.nu/am2u
  Replies (1) Good night (1250) Bad night (709)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.

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  (972): I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left. http://tfl.nu/3wwg
  Replies (1) Good night (721) Bad night (518)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.

  (1+61): View more from

  Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?

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  (+61): You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek. (1+61): Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before? http://tfl.nu/tcy4
  Replies (11) Good night (1885) Bad night (256)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.

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  (928): He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart. http://tfl.nu/tciz
  Replies (4) Good night (1187) Bad night (259)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.

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  (+44): Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor. http://tfl.nu/tgic
  Replies (1) Good night (312) Bad night (492)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.

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  (804): for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner. http://tfl.nu/3gkb
  Replies (0) Good night (227) Bad night (477)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.

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  (215): i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through. http://tfl.nu/i9fy
  Replies (1) Good night (930) Bad night (216)
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  (530): View more from California

  Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering

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  (530): Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering http://tfl.nu/xcut
  Replies (0) Good night (243) Bad night (542)

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