took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
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no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom