just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.