i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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