i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
