and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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