I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize