I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
