Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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