well I can't set my house on fire every night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
