Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
