I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize