i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
