these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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