and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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