Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
