Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
