wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
