There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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