i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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