My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
