guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
