I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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