and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
