when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What a dumb baby whore.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
