I wish my penis had an off switch
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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