What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
