why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
