i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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