Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
