after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
