ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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