Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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