Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
