I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
