Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
