Don't make out with my wife yet
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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