I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize