She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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