I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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