I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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