I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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