Christians are straight up FREAKS
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
