Ambien. No doubt about it.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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