I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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