We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
