I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
