So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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