wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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