I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
