just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
