then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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