I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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