Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
