i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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