My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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