I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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