Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
