Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What drink are we having for lunch?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
